33 Funny Quotes and Sayings about Money

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Funny Money Quotes & Sayings

Funny Money Quotes & Sayings

Here are 33 Funny Money Quotes and Sayings. Every once in a while we have to have some fun with the subject of money!


A Father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.


Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his kids to college.

Bill Vaughn

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Groucho Marx

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man; a debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Gordon Liddy

Money will buy you a pretty dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

Henry Wheeler Shaw

By the time I have money to burn; my fire will have burnt out.


If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Jackie Mason

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.

Helen Gurley Brown

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.

Mad Magazine

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Sam Ewing

I am having an out of money experience.


If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Dorothy Parker

We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.

Keith Davis

The only man who sticks closer to you in adversity than a friend is a creditor.


Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Earl Wilson

Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind.

Kay Ingram

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.

Max Amsterdam

Inflation hasn’t ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver.

-Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Bob Hope


Debt is normal. Be weird.

Dave Ramsey

The Trick is to stop thinking of it as “your” money.

IRS auditor

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Kin Hubbard

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back.


Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.

Donald Trump

There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.

Jack Yelton


Intaxication: Euphoria of getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

-From a Washington Post word contest

Budget: A mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

A.A. Latimer


One of my favorite movies of all time -Trading Places:

“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.”

Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy)

Do The Right Thing:

“You Fool! You’re 30 cents away from have a quarter!”

Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)

Wall Street:

“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money”

Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas)


“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

Tony Montana (Al Pacino)

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While Arbor Investment Planner has used reasonable efforts to obtain information from reliable sources, we make no representations or warranties as to the accuracy, reliability, or completeness of third-party information presented herein. The sole purpose of this analysis is information. Nothing presented herein is, or is intended to constitute investment advice. Consult your financial advisor before making investment decisions.

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